Funny Religions and the Texts They Use
Jesus and Muhammad were having an intense debate about which of their religions is stronger.
My faith moved mountains, exclaimed Jesus.
Yes, agreed Muhammad, but mine moved skyscrapers.
How do religions reproduce?
They have sects.
Religions are so different. Jews do not recognize Christ. Anglicans do not recognize the Pope.
Baptists do not recognize each other at the liquor store.
How can you get aliens to destroy their own kind?
split them into groups and teach them different religions.
Two Jews walk by a Christian church. . .
There is a sign on the door that says, "convert to Christianity and receive $100". One of them speaks up and says, "I'm going in." His friend says "you're really going to change religions for $100?"
"A $100 is a $100, I'm doing it!" And he walks inside.
A few minutes later he walks back out and his friend says, "Well? Did you get the money?"
He replies, "Oh, that's all you people think about isn't it?"
A summary of the world's religions
Catholicism: Shit happens.
Protestantism: Let this shit happen to someone else.
Judaism: Why does this shit always happen to us?
Hinduism: This shit has happened before.
Confucianism: Confucius says "Shit happens"
Rastafarianism: Let's roll up this shit and smoke it.
Please add your own.
There are judges for different religions and they are categorized alphabetically.
There's Judge Atheist A, Judge Buddhist B, Judge Christian C and...
Judge Jew D.
Why does the National Football League deserve Tax-Exempt Status even though it generated at least $9 billion in revenue last season?
Because it is just as real as the other religions.
In fact, religious persons are not much different from atheists…
There are 4,000 religions in the world.
A religious person believes that 3,999 religions are wrong.
An atheist believes that 4,000 religions are wrong.
I study different religions. Through dedicated research, I found one similarity that the Bible, Quran, Torah, and even the Book of Mormon all share.
They are all equally flammable.
Why don't churches, synagogues, mosques and temples have Wi-Fi?
Because religions don't like competing with an invisible power that actually works.
You can explore religions christianity reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean religions prophets dad jokes. There are also religions puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
There are 3 things that all religions can agree on.
Jews do not recognize Jesus as the Messiah, Protestants do not recognize the Pope as the head of the Church and Baptists do not recognize each other at the liquor store.
Friend: This might be my grandma's last Christmas
Me: why? Is she sick?
Friend: no, she's changing religions.
Why don't all religions that believe in Jesus unify?
There would be mass confusion
I've Studied Various Religions
And here's what I found:
* Christianity was too cross.
* Islam kept dropping bombs on me.
* Buddhism kept repeating itself.
* Hinduism made me have a cow.
* and Judaism made my hair curl.
Father Sullivan and Rabbi Cohen were sitting on a park bench discussing the differences and similarities of their respective religions.
After some time, a young boy rode by on a bicycle. Father Sullivan leaned over and whispered to Rabbi Cohen, wow look that kid, I'd really like to screw him.
To which Rabbi Cohen replied, what do you mean 'screw him'? Screw him out of WHAT?
Trump's in Saudi Arabia, Israel...
... and the Vatican this week, cradles of USA's 3 great religions:
Christianity, Judaism, and Oil.
I recently attended a really wild Pagan Religions Festival
People got really into it! They were worshiping anyone that wasn't nailed down
Why is Scientology often brought up when talking about quack religions?
It's a cult classic
Not sure if this has been told before
A Muslim and a Catholic priest walk into a bar.
The two start talking casually about their respective religions. The Muslim says, "I believe that when I die, Allah will bless me with 72 virgins."
The priest's eyes get wide. "Really? That would be awesome, but unfortunately the church can only have 3 altar boys at a time."
All religions aspire for the same thing.
Virgins.
What religions do ghosts follow?
Boo-ddhism
Some religions allow men to have more than one wife.
But they fail to mention that it comes with more than one mother-in-law.
Why was eating pig banned in early religions?
It was blasphemeat.
What do religions and gender have in common?
You hear about a new one every day and none of them make any sense.
Religions are like farts...
Everyone likes their own but thinks all the others stink.
How do you keep track of the multiple religions fluctuating their need for more and more of your time?
With a Varying Degrees of Differen-Culty Chart.
Just explained the Higgs Boson to my friend even tho I don't understand it.
He was very convinced. I bet this is how religions get started.
So I figured out why so many religions don't allow women to have multiple partners.
It's because they're holey
Best way to save animals.
Get more religions.
Why did Jews vote for Obama.
They love change.
(Jk jewish people! Much love to all religions and races )
Original Joke by Me.
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